Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
