We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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