your parents love me but you hate me
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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