Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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