you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
