nut hugger
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
