that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
