one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
