dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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