I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
