I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
