You really coming over, don't trick.
I skipped work to stalk him.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
dude. I can hear the air.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
