i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
