turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize