i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
