i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
