WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
a search helicopter?!
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
