I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
