threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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