I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
