Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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