I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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