party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
