It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
