It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
