I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
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these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
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I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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