They should really pass out barf bags in church
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
