I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
