i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
