Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
