ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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