just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
