I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
