Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize