yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
