I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Holy sore nipples Batman
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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