Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
