i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize