I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
