I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
