i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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