I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
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