lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Dicks are not precious.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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