You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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