he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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