I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
