I wish I could teleport
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
