Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
