My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
