My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
