im drinking this country out of the recession.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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