Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
