this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
