I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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