I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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