he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
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Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
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I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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