okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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