That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Say something about gay babies.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
