He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
