Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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