I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
