Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
