Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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