Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
