So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
