i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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