I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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