It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
