there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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