okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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