I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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