last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
