I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Are we still banned from the library?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
