Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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