Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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