I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
