Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
