Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
